A New Zealand side have been threatened with expulsion from their league. They have failed to eat their quota of crisps from the sponsors of their league, a major crisp company. Stand by for a few more beer guts in the FA Carling Premiership as players down a pint before the game, take out an Endsleigh insurance policy from the trainer when receiving treatment, sup a beer instead of their half time cuppa and drink lager, not lucozade and milk, to replenish their lost energy at the final whistle.

I remember when we dreamt of a roof over the Shipton Street end, some wag suggested a Portakabin might do instead. Well we got the roof before the Portakabin sponsorship. Just think what might have been.

Can we expect the likes of Arsenal and Chelsea players, with their clubs sponsored by computer manufacturers to calculate their wages on their own personal computer. On second thoughts, if the rumours are true about the Arsenal's low wages, their players should be able to calculate their wages on their toes. Ian Wright will probably use his fingers. As for Southampton, I doubt if Dave Beasant ever used his hands and feet for anything.

Can we expect to see a team sponsored by one of Japan's leading soft drinks. Sweat is the name, I can't vouch for the taste of the drink but the name suggests that someone like Wimbledon or Sheffield United may be the team to promote it.

Manchester United's Sharp sponsorship raises interesting questions. I can't think what they are at the minute but I they centre around Lee Sharpe, will he be confused when he looks on the front of his shirt and sees Sharp and then at the back and sees Sharpe. What about Eric Cantona, graceful yes, sharp never. Meanwhile, Oldham's Graeme Sharp has proved to be several years in front of the Premier League fuddy duddies (not hard I hear you say) by having his name on his Everton shirt several years ago.

Premier League newcomers, West Ham, have recently announced a new sponsorship deal with Dagenham Motors. A record breaking deal they announced. Is it another ploy to help the motor industry out of recession I ask. Let's hope the cars last longer than West Ham do in the Premier League.

Expect Crystal Palace to announce a sponsorship deal with Black Magic chocolates in recognition of the fine service that they have received (and still are receiving) from the coloured players who have graced their team in recent years. Nestle have been inundated with sponsorship request. Smarties sponsorship for one of the teams wearing jazzy, multi coloured kit this season is in the pipe line. Vinny Jones is trying to tie up a Kit Kat ("have a break, have a kit kat") sponsorship while the hole in Swindon's defence is to be sponsored by Polo.

As for Everton, I'm still trying to work out what Hafnia, their last sponsors are or were. Answers on a £20 note please.

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