"Parkin’s starting his run now, he’ll get there sometime this week". Jonathan Pearce, BBC1 commentary, Stoke v Newcastle FAC3 (January 6^th, 2008).

"We got the feeling at Man United and Man City that we are stronger than Man United and Man City but we have to transform that impression into points and wins." Arsene Wegner in September 2009 after defeats at Eastlands and Old Trafford.

"It was a tight game, there weren’t many chances, so our defence played well". Rafa Benitez, after Liverpool’s 2-0 defeat at Chelsea (October 4^th, 2009). Memo to Martin Foyle, another excuse for the excuses’ book.

A supermarket petrol station was swamped for 6 days by customers fillling up for 40p a litre due to a problem at the pumps. Staff only realised what was happening when someone mentioned it on local radio, 6 days, average spend per customer less than halved, larger than average customer numbers and daily takings barely a third of the usual. Staff, you just can’t get decent ones these days.

Gordon Brown, complete the sentence, "I claimed £36 per month for a Sky Sports package that was wholly, necessarily and exclusively incurred for the performance of my parliamentary duties because….".

Japanese Maths. Jenson Button qualifies for the Japanese Grand Prix in 7^th position. He’s penalised 5 places for an infringement during qualifying. What’s his new grid position? 10th. Japanese Maths.

"Flares are not allowed inside Wembley". England spokesman after Ukraine, obviously forgetting May 9.